Digging Deeper

 “But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.  For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror.   You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like.”                                                         James 1:22-24 (New Living Translation)

One day, when I was growing up, my little sisters (who are twins) could not be found.  We looked high and low to no avail.  Then suddenly, my mom heard giggling coming from behind the cupboard doors.  When she opened the doors, there were my sisters – covered in chocolate icing!  My mother gave them the look and said very sternly “And who did this?”  Both of them looked up, so innocent, and said “Not me”.

Denial is an interesting word with a more than one meaning.  One definition is the refusal to recognize or acknowledge; the disbelief in the existence or reality of a thing.  This type of denial does not do one any good.  It does not change the reality of any situation it is used in.

For example, denying cigarettes are bad for your health does not change the damage done each time you light up.  Denying your children are growing up does not change the fact they will eventually leave home and begin life on their own.  Denying the stack of bills on your counter will not stop the creditors from calling.  Denying you have a cash flow problem will not help you meet your obligations.

Not taking a good look at and getting control over our finances opens the door for many troubles.  Calls from debt collectors, letters threatening lawsuits or wage garnishment, bounced checks, overdraft and late fees are all part of the problem of denial when it comes to money.  Habakkuk 2:7 warns “Will not your creditors rise up suddenly, and those who collect from you awaken?  Indeed, you will become plunder for them.”  With today’s economy, this passage rings true for way too many of our brothers and sisters.

There is a way to turn the situation around.  It is sitting down and taking a good honest look at your financial situation.  Once you get the snapshot of your finances, you need to develop a plan on how to get out of debt – AND THEN FOLLOW IT!  Financial Peace University is a great program that will help you define your situation and show you exactly what you need to do to get on track.

All week long, I’ve been touting Dave Ramsey’s FPU.  The reason I do this is because my husband and I are firm believers in this program.  We have been following the steps and are steadily climbing out of the debt pit.  We are not debt-free or have it down perfectly by any means, however, we have learned and are still learning the discipline it takes to control our money rather than letting our money control us.

This leads us full circle to the other type of denial.  The second definition is the sacrifice of one’s own wants or needs.  By following this description, you are taking steps in the right direction to secure your family’s future.  Self-denial goes hand in hand with self-discipline.  Though both may seem difficult to practice and learn, they will bring you many rewards as time goes by.

And maybe as one of your rewards, my sisters will share their chocolate icing!

Gracious Father, how magnificent and glorious You are.  You give choices of how to handle situations and are still with us even when our responses are not correct.  Provide us the wisdom to recognize the different forms of denial in our lives and choose to face each one head-on.  In Your Heavenly Name I pray.  Amen.

Suggested Reading:  Hebrews 12:11, Romans 13:8, Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey

Suggested Websites:  crown.org, daveramsey.com

Sonja Neal

“Who has preceded Me, that I should pay him?  Everything under heaven is Mine.”                         Job 41:11 (New King James Version)

Mine, mine, mine!  We’ve all heard the cries of a toddler yelling those words when they didn’t want to share.  It didn’t matter if the object truly was theirs.  In their minds, they had it or wanted it so, therefore, it belonged to them.  Unfortunately, the same could be said of some adults as well.

All too often in today’s society, you hear others bragging of everything they have obtained – fame, fortune, personal possessions – all by themselves.  They love to tell stories of their journey to the top and how they made it there – with no one’s help.  These people, whether they be famous or ordinary folk, may be living it up for the moment but eventually the truth will catch up to them. 

The truth is no one has any more or less than what God has deemed necessary for them.  Acts 17:25 reminds us “…because He Himself gives all men life and breath and everything else.”   He knows better than anyone our needs, wants, and desires.  And He provides for them in due time.

Although God is loving and the ultimate provider, He does require us to be good stewards of all He has entrusted to us.  This spills over into all aspects of our lives but especially holds true in the area of money.  Being responsible with money is a discipline we all need to aspire to attain. 

Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University (FPU) is a 13-week program that helps people get control of their money, and learn new behaviors by teaching commitment and accountability.  This program, using Biblical principles, has helped numerous people become better stewards of their money. In his book, Financial Peace Revisited, a companion to the FPU workbook, Dave offers “Peace Puppies”, short sentences to grab attention, to help students think about fiscal responsibility in a different light.  Here are a few to get you started:

1)     You must keep your checkbook on a timely basis.

2)    You can always spend more than you can make.

3)    You must save money.

4)    Lay out the written details of a Cash Management Plan.

5)    Take baby steps – prioritize your plan and move slowly.

By understanding and viewing everything we have as being owned by God, we can still the cries of the toddlers and hear the praises of men.

Dear Lord, I praise You for all that You have created and provided.  I ask for the discipline to become a better steward of all You have blessed me with so I can be an example to others.  In Your Heavenly Name I pray.  Amen.

Suggested Reading:  Psalm 24, Psalm 50, Financial Peace Revisited by Dave Ramsey

Suggested Websites:  crown.org, daveramsey.com

Sonja Neal

“He who loves money shall never have enough.  The foolishness of thinking that wealth brings happiness!  The more you have, the more you spend, right up to the limits of your income, so what is the advantage of wealth – except perhaps to watch it as it runs through your fingers!”             Ecclesiastes 6:10-10 (Living Bible Paraphrased)

Ever read the bumper sticker that says “He who dies with the most toys wins”?  It’s a mantra many live all their lives.  Unfortunately, what they fail to see is that whoever dies with the most toys is still dead.  And where does that leave them and their toys?

How do we get to the point where we work harder just to get more “toys”?  Part of it is the old “keeping up with the Jones’” mentality.  We have some friends who fit this to a tee.  They would hold lavish parties and cookouts.  And everyone they could think of was invited — even after both of them had lost good paying jobs and their income was cut in half.  My friend confided in me they were dipping into her retirement and savings just to keep up the façade.  After that, I cringed every time we got another invite for a party because I knew all the turmoil that was being caused behind the masquerade.

Many misquote the Bible and say “money is the root of all evil”.  The true Biblical passage comes from 1Timothy 6, verse 10, and reads “For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.” (NIV)  It clearly states that THE LOVE of money is the problem – not money itself.  In his book Financial Peace Revisited, Dave Ramsey hits it on the head when he states “…money is amoral.  Money has no morals.  That is, it is neither good nor bad.” 

I believe it’s important to finish this passage and to heeds its warning.  The remainder of 1 Timothy 6:10 says “Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many grieves.”  Just like our friends mentioned above, many of us have heard or lived through those grieves caused by the pursuit of money.

What we need to learn is to be content with what we have – what God has given us.  Hebrews 13:5 says ”Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have…” (NIV).  Being content is a hard concept for many to grasp.  Yet, if we allow ourselves to live by this passage and not pine away for what we don’t have, we begin to appreciate the little things.

Contentment changes the pursuit of more “toys” to more life…and there is where the true winners reside.

Father God, You are a God that knows our every need.  You know every hair on our head and all of our desires.  Help us to be content with what You have provided to us and know that it is enough because You have deemed it as such.  In Your Heavenly Name, we pray.  Amen.

Suggested Reading:  Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey

Suggested Websites:  crown.org, daveramsey.com

Sonja Neal

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”  Hebrews 12:11

My etymology (origin of words/phrases) dictionary lists the following under the heading “discipline”:

- instruction given to a disciple

- order necessary for instruction

- orderly conduct as a result of training

I think it’s important to mark the difference – especially to our kids – between discipline and punishment.  Proper and consistent discipline can keep us from punishment later.

When I think of discipline, here’s some of what comes to mind:

Pick up after yourself.

Be respectful.

Work before play.

These are things we teach our children so that they can become properly functioning adults.  Likewise, we are also required to be disciplined.  For example, if the list above is some of what’s required of our kids, we have to resist the urge to pick up after them, tolerate disrespect, or let them shirk their responsibilities.

It’s easy to make excuses for them, “She’s had a tough day, I’m sure she didn’t mean to talk to me like that.” ; “He worked after school, I’ll just put his laundry away for him” ; “They’re always hitting the books, it’s okay for them to goof off now and then.”   When we do this, we think we’re helping them, but we’re not.

Just as we’re training them for this life, we’re also responsible for training them for the next.  We lead by example, whether we like it or not.  Are we training them to pray, to tithe, to submit to the Father, to help the helpless, to love those unable to love back?  We are equipping them to be future Titans of Industry, are we training them to be the future Nation of God?

Lord, thank You for your instruction and discipline.  Help me relay this knowledge to my children so that they may be trained according to Your Word.

Read: Deuteronomy 11:18-20

Jeanne Roberts

“Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your ‘No’, ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”  Matthew 5:37

So, the kids will never admit it, and in fact, they probably aren’t even aware of it, but they need boundaries to feel secure.

One way we as parents can provide that security is to be consistent.  Think of our rules as a fence.

When the fence is clear and strong, our kids know they are safe within its perimeter.  They can lean on it, push it, but it won’t budge.

When our resolve is weak, our fence topples over at the onset of pressure.

While they may act like their job is to weaken the structure, that’s when we have to show them it is secure.

When my girls were little, they got the ridiculous idea that if they said “please” enough times, a “no” could turn into a “yes”.  Ugh!   I started asking “Has this ever worked for you? Ever?”  Eventually, they saw that it didn’t work, and instead made Mommy pretty darn grumpy!  They only stopped though, when they really learned that “no” is really “no”.

Likewise, it’s just as important to our ‘fence’ that our “yes” remain a “yes”.  This is where I often fail.  I may agree to something on Tuesday, but by Friday I may have completely forgotten or just don’t feel like doing whatever it is.  When my “yes” becomes a “no”, they are usually very gracious and they tell me they understand, but I know I’m weakening our fence little by little.

Which is harder for you?  Keeping the “yes” a “yes” or the “no” a “no”?  Got any tips for those of us who struggle with one or both?

Lord, thank You for this lifelong adventure of parenting.  Please help me be consistent in my words and deeds.

Read: Ephesians 6:1-4

Jeanne Roberts

When you walk, they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you; when you awake, they will speak to you.  Proverbs 6:22

“But all my friends are allowed to <insert activity here>!”

I wish I had a dime for every time I’ve heard that.

My kids have cell phones, but no texting.

They’re not allowed to go to parties with no adults present.  (That seemed like a no-brainer, but I was really thrown by how many non-supervised parties happen in this little town!)

They’re not allowed to “hang out” downtown.

They’re not allowed to dress in a provocative manner.

All of these things used to be a source of discord in our house.  As time has gone on, they’ve accepted that some things will not be tolerated, no matter how many other kids are doing it.  In fact, they’ve not only accepted these things, but they are seeing the merit in them.

Since becoming a Christ follower, I have tried to put Biblical principles into our day to day lives.  I’m not only teaching them the Biblical way to live, I’m learning as well.  Making the right choices together helps the lesson stick.

They know that I was not exactly a “good kid” when I was their age.  They know that as I grew up, I continued to make bad decisions.  I used to worry about my credibility.  How can I tell them not to do something when I’ve done it myself?  I’ve found though, that the past holds a wealth of lessons, and my credibility is based on the decisions I make now.

Lord, thank You for equipping me with Your Word to teach my children.  Please be with them as they are faced with the challenges of popular culture.

Read: Deuteronomy 6:6-9

Jeanne Roberts

“God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:6

Okay, be honest – who has bumper stickers, t-shirts, and window stickers about their kids?

I have to admit it, I’m rockin’ a few stickers on the back of my car.  I have one letting everyone know that Faith is the Drum Major for the marching band.  I have another one in the opposite corner of the window (nicely balanced) informing all who pass by that Megan is in Color Guard.  And, since I’m being honest, I have to say I will probably replace those stickers with new ones announcing to everyone that they’re both in Winterguard when that season starts.

I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with stickers or t-shirts, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with thinking that our kids are pretty neat.  It’s so easy though, to let them become the center of everything we do, say, and think.

A child-run home is out of balance.  The kids have no boundaries, the parents have no control.

Instead of the children looking to their parents for guidance, and the family looking to God, the parents are looking to their children for validation.   “If my child is happy, then I must be a good Mom.”

Of all the parents all over the world, in all of history, only one family had a child who was and is the center of the universe. Even then, Mary did not fly a banner over her house, she didn’t paint sayings on the livestock.  Although, thinking about it, Mary could have had some pretty cool bumper stickers, couldn’t she?

Picture it:  ”My Son Came to Save Your Honor Student”

or “Your Kid is Okay, but Mine is Perfect”

how about “Proud Parent of The Savior”

We all want our kids to know we love them. The best way to show that is not by giving them center stage in our lives, but by giving center stage to God.

Read: Proverbs 16:1-7

Heavenly Father, thank You for the blessing of my children.  Help us to remember to put our boast in You instead of ourselves.

Jeanne Roberts

“But they, our forefathers, became arrogant and stiff-necked, and did not obey your commands.” Nehemiah 9:16

The verse above is part of the praise that the Levites gave to God regarding His refusal to turn His back on His people, even when they turned from Him.

About a year ago, my oldest daughter and I had a battle of wills. The unstoppable force meets the immovable object.

She was trying to leave, I was trying to make her stay. I was behind her, with my arms around her middle. She was kicking, biting, scratching, and yelling. The harder she fought, the more I held on.

The more she screamed at me, the more I told her I loved her and I wasn’t going to let go. In that time of anger, frustration and physical pain, it would have been easier to just let her go, do what she wanted, and let the world handle her.

As I prepared to write for this week, I’ve been thinking of that morning with her. It occurred to me that, for the majority of my life, those same roles were being played out between my Heavenly Father and me.

Through my choices, beliefs and words, I kicked Him, bit Him, and screamed at Him to let me go.  He never did.   He held on and took whatever abuse I threw at Him because He loves me so much.

Only God could have held on to me for that long. Only He could continue to love me, call me His child, and fill even my darkest days with innumerable blessings.

Looking back, those moments with my daughter were a lesson not only to her, but to me.

The fierce love I felt for her, the willingness to hold on when the easier thing to do was let go, the desire to rebuild our relationship, all of those things we feel as parents are a gift from our Father, so that we might know just a fraction of the love He holds for us.

Lord, thank You for never letting go of me.

Jeanne Roberts

Dealing with Jobs and Careers – 5

… Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve; but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Joshua 24:15

Work…does it ever end?  Is it possible to ever be caught up?  As I was feeling overwhelmed by undone work, I could hear my son happily singing his three-year-old version of Zaccheus Was a Wee Little Man from his tricycle outside.  I stopped folding laundry and looked out the window as Marcus’ tricycle wheel ran off the edge of the sidewalk.  He sat for a moment and then looked upward praying pitifully, “Please God, help me.  I’m stuck!”  I whispered my own quick prayer that my little boy would not be disappointed when his tricycle did not magically become dislodged for him.  My son then hopped off the tricycle and awkwardly pulled it back onto the sidewalk.  He remounted and began pedaling once again. I could hear his joyful; “Thank You, God!” as he continued pedaling.

I put down the laundry and went outside to give my wise son a hug.  I had seen the faith and gumption of a three-year-old, as he not only called out for help, but then he took action in order to overcome, got back on the right path, and joyfully went on his way.  The task of unfinished laundry was put into its proper perspective as I chased my squealing toddler down the sidewalk.

Bible Reading: Psalms 95: 1-7

Forgive me Father when I get so busy that I don’t appreciate my family and the many blessings You give me each day.

Dianna L. Brisco

Dealing with Jobs and Careers – 4

“If what he has built survives, he shall receive his reward.” I Corinthians 3:14

As a parent, I have tried to pass on my love of working hard and doing a good job.  Our children were given chore charts before they could read.  I drew a picture of each chore they were to complete daily.  They were so proud to pick up their toys, sort the socks by color, and “help” mommy cook supper.  As our children grew, so did the complexity of their chores.  I made sure Bible Study was always listed for them to check off daily.  Not that it was a chore, but it was a responsibility I hoped to become an automatic habit.  Helping our children become self motivated workers is one of the greatest gifts we can give them.

As school started again this year, our oldest daughter is a senior at Ursuline College near Cleveland.  She is a long way from home but not from the lessons we tried to teach her.  She goes to classes, works two jobs, plays college golf, and attends her church and small group Bible studies.  It thrills me to see how she organizes her life around self gratification for a job well done.  Our second daughter is now a freshman at the University of Dayton.  I took her and her clean laundry back to college today and was amused to see a To Do List on her desk.  She had everything she needed to get done organized by class and color setting next to her Bible.  I can’t be with my girls everyday now, but I see the life lessons I tried to teach them kicking in…and now for our twelve year son!  Teaching responsibility and self-motivation to our children is so important.  Do you have something which has worked well with your children you could share with other parents in the comments?

Bible Reading: I Corinthians 3:10-15

Father in heaven; help me to work hard doing the tasks You want me to accomplish.  And thank You for the privilege of being a mommy.

Dianna L. Brisco