Digging Deeper

“If you want to know what God really wants you to do, ask Him, and He will gladly tell you, for He is always ready to give a bountiful supply of wisdom to all who ask Him; but … be sure that you really expect Him to tell you … If you don’t ask in faith, don’t expect the Lord to give you any solid answer.”  James 1:5-6 (LB)

 “I want to go live with my dad my senior year.”

 Such were the words of my almost 18-year old son early in June.  Needless to say, this went over like a lead balloon and set into motion weeks of high-strung emotions and tension.

 His decision was made with thoughtful and prayerful consideration.  His natural father had been absent most of his life, but my son still desired a relationship.  He explained to me he had to try “one more time” to establish a bond so if anything happened to either of them he would know he had done everything he could to know his father.

 I was amazed at his grown-up decision but was far from accepting.  After all, this was his senior year.  Plus, he would be leaving for the Navy next July.  I was supposed to have one more year with him.  This was just not right – I was not ready to let him go – no matter how noble the reason.  I still needed more time.

 Being his legal guardian, I held the key to whether this would go smoothly or not.  My decision would either bring us closer together or further apart – possibly even both.  Family and friends lovingly gave advice, support, and even shared their stories of broken heartedness over parental relationships never repaired.  But I was still in distress over him being 5 hours away and losing the last full year I knew I would ever have with him.

 Prayers and conversations with God started immediately and went something like this…

 “Seriously, God, this is NOT right.  You know everything that has happened in the past.  And HE is going to get rewarded for that?!?

 “You need to let him go.  It will be fine.”

 “No, really, I need more time.  There is so much left for us to do this last year.  Remember with his sister?  I gave her back to you before she graduated and thanked you for the honor.  And now I’ve come this far with my son to watch someone else finish it?  I don’t think so.”

 *sigh* “You have done what I needed you to do.  Now, I need your son to do something for Me.  Let him go.”

 “I can’t, Lord, I just can’t.  It feels like I’m giving into what the world wants.  Maybe it’s not even you talking to me.  That must be it.”

 “It is Me.  You know it’s Me.  Remember King Solomon and the two prostitutes with the baby?”

 It was this reference to 1 Kings 3:16-27 that really convicted me.  Two mothers were fighting over one baby.  No one was giving in as to whose child it was so King Solomon decided to cut the baby in half so each could have part of the baby.  The real mother stepped up and said it was not hers after all – please spare the child’s life.  At that time, King Solomon gave her the child as he then knew who the true mother was.

 “God, I understand now.  And if this is what you’re asking of me – to make one final sacrifice I will.  But, honestly, don’t you think it’s his turn to make some sacrifices?”

 “I’m not asking him.  I’m asking you.  This is your son’s journey.  You must trust Me and let him go.”

 And so, with many tears and a heavy heart, my son left last week to start his senior year at a new school in a different state. 

 Children leaving abruptly, job loss, divorce or separation, even a sudden death all make us wonder why.  So much we needed to say and plans for the future left undone, leave us feeling empty.  There is only One who can fill that hole.  There is only One who can give us peace.  Reach out to God and trust Him completely to fill that hole. 

Father God, please reach out and fill the empty holes in the lives of my brothers and sisters in Christ and mine as well.  Each one has their own struggles they are going through.  Some will let others know about them and ask for help.  While some will never tell a soul, but, You know.  Help us lean not on our own understanding but trust in You with all our heart.  In Jesus’ name.  Amen.