Digging Deeper

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men.”  Mark 1:17

 I love my little brother.  Actually, I should say younger brother since he’s a good 6-7” taller than me.  We’ve always had a special bond.  Of my five other siblings, he is the one I’ve never fought with but have generally protected.

 Close to 25 years ago, when I was at one of the lowest points in my life, he is the one who kept me going.  He never knew it – no one did.  At that time, God had told me my brother needed me.  I didn’t understand.  I couldn’t see what I had to offer, but I trusted the feeling and pressed on.  Just within the past month, God revealed to me what He had meant.

 My brother and his wife came to the first services for The Ridge @ Greenville.  I was so excited.  When they both left with Bibles, I cried tears of joy.  It wasn’t until a few weeks later, the truth came out.  My brother had not yet accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior.

 I point blank asked him – something I had never done before to anyone.  His answer as “not exactly”.  I let him know that “not exactly” meant “no”.  As the conversation ensued, every reason he gave me I was able to counter with what surely was Holy Spirit-guided answers.

 How did I miss this?  How could I not know one of my family members, raised in the church, had not yet secured his eternal destiny?  I realized too often we just assume our family and friends are saved.  Most will listen to us talk about God and all the blessings we’ve received with a smile and even agree.  But how many truly do not know Him as their Father? 

 What God had pressed on my heart that dark night finally made sense.  My brother did need me.  He needed me to help him through his indecision of knowing Christ or facing an eternity without Him.  I knew more than anything I had to pursue him.

 As our conversation continued, we were laughing as I told him I was not going to get all fire and brimstone on him.  Yet, he needed to know now that I was aware of his indecision; I was not going to let up.  He responded with “many have tried before and all of them gave up”.   And in true sisterly form I said, “ahh yes, but none of them was me”.  His “that’s true” let me know the door was open.  I just needed to find the right way in.

 My brother’s indecision about accepting Christ is huge.  He needs to see how much better life will be with God in his corner.  He needs to see Christ in me – in my life, in my actions, in my words – to help him come to know God as Abba.  I need to trust God to lead me through these new waters and accept this challenge before me.

 Do you know for certain your loved ones are saved?  Have you given up on any that just seem like lost causes or just too much work?  Had God put anyone in your life or on your heart to bring to Him?  And are you sitting on the fence trying to decide if it’s worth the effort? 

 God calls us to be fishers of men.  If He has revealed to you someone in your life as someone who needs to know Him then He is calling you to rise up to the challenge.  We mustn’t sit on the fence of indecision when it comes to pursuing others for God’s kingdom.  We need to be His disciples and follow His lead.

 So, grab a pole and meet me at the pond!

 BIBLE READING:  MARK 1

 Abba Father, I lift my brother and his wife up to You.  You know where their hearts are and how best to reach them.  Soften their hearts and open them to hear Your words.  Give me the wisdom to know what to say, when to say it, and how to say it.  I’m in new waters, Lord, and You are my only lighthouse.  Help me to follow Your lead to bring my family home to You.  I ask You put onto the hearts of my believing brothers and sisters those in their lives that do not know You and help them to pursue those lost ones for Your Kingdom.  In Jesus’ Heavenly Name we pray.  Amen.

 Sonja Neal

“Everyone of us have strayed away like sheep!  We have left God’s paths to follow our own.”  Isaiah 53:6

 On a trip to Reno, Nevada, for a bowling tournament, my husband decided to take a “short-cut” to get us to our destination quicker.  We turned off the highway onto a little dirt road that looked like it would connect us directly to our final leg of the trip.

 As we ventured down this dusty road, we thought it was cool to see an old dog, lounging in the middle of the road, get up and greet us.  The drivers of the pick-up trucks were all so friendly, waving to us, as we drove by.   The further we went the more excited we got thinking we’d be making great time once we reached the next highway.  Then it happened.

The road started closing in on both sides – going down to one lane.  Okay, country roads will do that.  But with each mile, it seemed it was getting smaller and smaller.   I happened to look out the back window and noticed a vulture flying behind us, seeming to circle the car.  Oh, this couldn’t be good.  We laughed nervously about it, but the mood in the car changed.

 It was about this time my husband realized we were heading up a mountain on what appeared to be a horse trail.  Looking down, we saw a huge drop that would not be pleasant for the car, nevertheless for us.   We had to decide if we should venture onward and try to get to the other side of this mountain or carefully back down the trail to the road.  The vulture also seemed to be waiting on our decision.

 Does that ring true of any journey you’ve taken?  You’re cruising down the path God wants you on and everything seems to be going well.  Then you come to a crossroads and you think “Well, I know this way will get me where God needs me to be, but this one will get me there quicker and easier than the one He has me on.”

 So, you choose the other path, and for a while, everything is great and you’re having a good time.  Then, because it’s not a path you’re supposed to be on, things change.  Nothing seems to go right.  The road and vultures (Satan) close in. 

 You’re at another crossroads, where you must choose whether to take your chances on this road or try to get back to God’s path.  The choice can be difficult unless you’re willing to trust God to get you where He needs you to be.

 As we sat there trying to make our decision, I happened to notice something on the map in very tiny print.  It read “Road for Local Use Only.  Hazardous Driving Conditions for Non-Locals.” Wouldn’t it be wonderful if those tiny words were printed on a huge sign every time we came to a crossroads so we’d know for certain which path to take?

 Needless to say, we made it out okay.  Silent prayers were put up as my husband slowly backed the car down the mountain to the main road.  And, I’m almost certain I saw a tear in that vulture’s eye.

 Bible Reading:  Proverbs 2

 Heavenly Father, I admit I need You to guide my every step.  For without Your divine guidance, I seem to head in the wrong direction.  As I come to each crossroad in my life, Lord, help me to listen for Your directions and trust in them even when it seems You are taking me the long way to my destination.  For I know with You as my pilot, I will always arrive in due time.  In Jesus’ name we pray.  Amen.

 Sonja Neal

“The steps of a man are established by the Lord … When he falls, he shall not be hurled headlong because the Lord is the one who holds his hand.”        Psalm 37:23-24 (NAS)

Decisions, decisions, decisions.  Every day we have to make tons of them.  Some we do without thinking.  Others we have to give thoughtful consideration.  We try very hard to make all the right choices.  Try as we may, though, we sometimes miss the mark.

I wrote the following in 2004.  I had not thought about it in ages, but for some reason, it came to mind while I was “deciding” what to write about this week.  It felt like I was being led to share it as an antidote to different scenarios of indecision.  (I hope I didn’t miss the target!!)

 It’s not about letting go . . . it’s about letting God

It’s not about running away . . . it’s about running to

It’s not about giving in . . . it’s about lifting it up

It’s not about ending the song . . . it’s about singing a new chorus

It’s not about forgetting . . . it’s about forgiving

It’s not about toughing it out . . . it’s about enduring the race

It’s not about looking out . . . it’s about looking up

It’s not about being strong . . . it’s about finding strength

It’s not about what everyone thinks . . . it’s about what the Bible says

It’s not about what everyone else does . . . it’s about what He would do

It’s not about empty words . . . it’s about His promises

It’s not about the tears cried . . . it’s about the joy He brings

It’s not about a broken heart . . . it’s about a mended soul

It’s not about shattered dreams . . . it’s about a future vision

It’s not about past pain . . . it’s about today’s peace

It’s not about closing down . . . it’s about opening up

It’s not about hurting . . . it’s about healing

It’s not about wishing . . . it’s about praying

It’s not about worrying . . . it’s about believing

It’s not about holding on . . . it’s about the One who hung on the Cross

It’s not about me . . . it’s about God

It’s not about letting go . . . it’s about letting God

As sure as the sun rises and sets each day, we all will come up against something which will stop us in our tracks and force us to choose.  What you choose is your decision.  And as it was so eloquently put during service this weekend – DECIDING NOT TO DECIDE IS A DECISION.

When you are making that choice, whatever it may be, remember to let God in on it.  This is one sure way to never miss the mark!

 Father God, as I go through each day, guide me through the decisions I have to make – from the smallest ones to the life-changing ones.  As it says in Psalm 143, “let the morning bring word of Your unfailing love for I have put my trust in You.  Show me the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul.”  In Jesus’ name.  Amen.

Sonja Neal

“If you want to know what God really wants you to do, ask Him, and He will gladly tell you, for He is always ready to give a bountiful supply of wisdom to all who ask Him; but … be sure that you really expect Him to tell you … If you don’t ask in faith, don’t expect the Lord to give you any solid answer.”  James 1:5-6 (LB)

 “I want to go live with my dad my senior year.”

 Such were the words of my almost 18-year old son early in June.  Needless to say, this went over like a lead balloon and set into motion weeks of high-strung emotions and tension.

 His decision was made with thoughtful and prayerful consideration.  His natural father had been absent most of his life, but my son still desired a relationship.  He explained to me he had to try “one more time” to establish a bond so if anything happened to either of them he would know he had done everything he could to know his father.

 I was amazed at his grown-up decision but was far from accepting.  After all, this was his senior year.  Plus, he would be leaving for the Navy next July.  I was supposed to have one more year with him.  This was just not right – I was not ready to let him go – no matter how noble the reason.  I still needed more time.

 Being his legal guardian, I held the key to whether this would go smoothly or not.  My decision would either bring us closer together or further apart – possibly even both.  Family and friends lovingly gave advice, support, and even shared their stories of broken heartedness over parental relationships never repaired.  But I was still in distress over him being 5 hours away and losing the last full year I knew I would ever have with him.

 Prayers and conversations with God started immediately and went something like this…

 “Seriously, God, this is NOT right.  You know everything that has happened in the past.  And HE is going to get rewarded for that?!?

 “You need to let him go.  It will be fine.”

 “No, really, I need more time.  There is so much left for us to do this last year.  Remember with his sister?  I gave her back to you before she graduated and thanked you for the honor.  And now I’ve come this far with my son to watch someone else finish it?  I don’t think so.”

 *sigh* “You have done what I needed you to do.  Now, I need your son to do something for Me.  Let him go.”

 “I can’t, Lord, I just can’t.  It feels like I’m giving into what the world wants.  Maybe it’s not even you talking to me.  That must be it.”

 “It is Me.  You know it’s Me.  Remember King Solomon and the two prostitutes with the baby?”

 It was this reference to 1 Kings 3:16-27 that really convicted me.  Two mothers were fighting over one baby.  No one was giving in as to whose child it was so King Solomon decided to cut the baby in half so each could have part of the baby.  The real mother stepped up and said it was not hers after all – please spare the child’s life.  At that time, King Solomon gave her the child as he then knew who the true mother was.

 “God, I understand now.  And if this is what you’re asking of me – to make one final sacrifice I will.  But, honestly, don’t you think it’s his turn to make some sacrifices?”

 “I’m not asking him.  I’m asking you.  This is your son’s journey.  You must trust Me and let him go.”

 And so, with many tears and a heavy heart, my son left last week to start his senior year at a new school in a different state. 

 Children leaving abruptly, job loss, divorce or separation, even a sudden death all make us wonder why.  So much we needed to say and plans for the future left undone, leave us feeling empty.  There is only One who can fill that hole.  There is only One who can give us peace.  Reach out to God and trust Him completely to fill that hole. 

Father God, please reach out and fill the empty holes in the lives of my brothers and sisters in Christ and mine as well.  Each one has their own struggles they are going through.  Some will let others know about them and ask for help.  While some will never tell a soul, but, You know.  Help us lean not on our own understanding but trust in You with all our heart.  In Jesus’ name.  Amen.

…Shall we receive only pleasant things from the hand of God and never anything unpleasant?”…   Job 2:10

“It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to, cry if I want to, cry if I want to.  You would cry to if it happened to you”.  Remember that old song?  It reminds me of all the pity parties I’ve ever thrown and was the only one to attend.

Or how about “they always, always pick on me.  They never ever let me be.  I’ll eat some worms and then I’ll die and they’ll all be sorry that they picked on me”.  I used to sing this Tiny Tim song growing up.  I will confess though I never got brave enough to eat those worms.

Both songs remind us it is very easy to get in a mode of “whoa is me” or “my life is just so awful”.  And sometimes, it is a lot harder to leave those modes once you get there.  It’s okay to take some time to sort it out when all that is happening in your life seems to be turmoil and grief.  It’s even okay to question why.  The problems arise when you start to climb out of that mode and think “hmm, do I really want to move on or should I stay here a little longer?”  It’s the indecision of trusting God to provide all your needs which keeps you there.

Let’s take a look at Job.  If EVER there was a guy that should’ve had a world-class pity party it was him.  He had everything going for him and was in God’s favor.  Yet, within a few days, *poof* he lost everything – his cattle, his servants, his children, his health.  And, man, was he EVER confused and definitely wondered what he had done to deserve all that was happening.

On top of this, Job’s friends came to “comfort” him and ended up accusing and condemning him as a sinner and a liar.  So here was Job, in the midst of mind-blowing circumstances, and now, he had to justify his momentary outburst.   Over and over again, he had to profess his faithfulness to God in front of his friends, and they weren’t buying it. 

God did, as He always does, come through in the end.  Job’s friends were put in their place by God.  And Job, well, he got an earful as well.  But God, being just, restored to him all he had taken.  In fact, he doubled it as a reward for Job’s faithfulness. 

So, when you get invited to your next pity party go ahead and attend for a moment or two.  Ask why.  Listen for the answer.  It may not come right away or even at all.  But, make the decision to put your faith in God that it is all happening for His Glory and it will turn out as He has planned.  This will definitely make you the life of the party.

Let’s pray…Heavenly Father, I confess it is so easy to take all that is going on in my life and feel sorry for myself.  I ask your forgiveness for those times when I just sit on the fence of focusing on me or completely trusting You.  Help me in those times trust You as I never have before so I can move forward with my life.  In Jesus’ name.  Amen.

Sonja Neal

“Therefore I will not keep silent; I will speak out in the anguish of my spirit, I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.” Job 7:11

In this verse, Job was full of anguish.  He spoke honestly to God about his feelings.

How often do we hide our true feelings, only to have them spin out of control later?  Good or bad, our emotions should be dealt with honestly as they surface.

I am notorious for trying to keep my emotions in check.  I know though, that if I don’t deal with my emotions, there’s going to be a big ugly meltdown.

God created our emotions.  He created us to be emotional beings.

I know people who, growing up, their moms had “good” china, “good” towels, formal living rooms.

Wonderful things, but they were never used.

The china, saved for a ’special’ occasion, stayed in the hutch.  No occasion was ever quite special enough.

The towels, meant for guests, gathered dust and went unused since there were never any guests quite worthy of the high-pile terry cloth.

Living room furniture that only saw the dusting rag, never a fancy soiree.

I wonder what the point is of keeping these things pristine.  How can they serve their purpose if they are shut away until the most perfect time?

I think the same is true for our emotions.  How many people shut off the joy in their hearts, for fear of looking foolish or being hurt.  Sure, they can go through life and say they never experienced heartbreak or humiliation, but all the while, they haven’t experienced love, joy, exuberance.

I can tell you that if you come to my house, you will see that any tablecloth that happens to be on the dining room table at the time, has some kind of stain on it.

The spots mark moments, where Luke passed the butter with too much zeal, or where Megan overestimated the juice-holding capacity of her glass.

I have glass candlesticks that are chipped, victims of  Faith and Luke dancing in the dining room.

My living room furniture is smooshed.  But comfy.

I don’t have any good china, but if I did, I think I’d make sure I used it enough to risk some chipping on the edges.

I’m not always quite as carefree with my emotions.  I still find myself trying to put them away, or hide them from sight until the perfect time.

Father, thank you for creating me full of emotion.  With them, let me praise you fully and share with others your majesty.

Read: Ezra 3:11-13

Jeanne Roberts

“Lord, have mercy, because I am in misery. My eyes are weak from so much crying, and my whole being is tired from grief.” Psalm 31:9 NCV

There’s nothing wrong with grief or mourning our losses.  It’s important though, that we are able to recover from the loss and move on.

There have been times that I’ve been so full of sorrow that it seemed my heart would just explode.  I’ve had bouts of “shoulda-woulda-coulda” that threatened to consume me.

My stepmom used to say, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be okay in the end.  If it ain’t okay, then it ain’t the end.’  Her way of saying “this too shall pass”.

If we are unable to accept the losses, and unable to turn our focus to the present, we’re only setting ourselves up for more sorrow, and more “shoulda-coulda-woulda” later.

A great example of moving from grief to action is Nehemiah.  He grieved when he heard that Jerusalem’s walls had not yet been rebuilt.  City walls were a big deal back in the day.  They offered protection to the city as well as represented the identity of its inhabitants.

He grieved, and he prayed.  God put in his heart the desire to make things right.  Throughout the book of Nehemiah, he is met with difficulty, scorn, and trouble not only from his enemies but also from his own workers.  At any time, he could have just stopped.  He could have wallowed in his grief, grieved his failure and cried out to all that he tried, but just couldn’t do it.

Nehemiah accepted what could not be changed, he focused on what was left, not what was lost, and he definitely prayed it up.

Lord thank You for Your presence in my grief.  Help me remember to lean on You in times of sorrow so that I may move from grief to action.

Read: Nehemiah 1:4-11
Jeanne Roberts

My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear…  I am bowed down and brought very low; all day long I go about mourning. Psalm 38:4, 6

I am free.  Free from the tethers that for so long bound me to this world.  I understand now, how to be “in it, not of it”.  I am free from the fear of what’s to come when I leave this place.  That fear has been replaced by anticipation.  I am free of these things because God has removed my guilt.

If God has removed my guilt, who can bring it back?  No one.  He has forgotten my wrongs.   They are gone.  I am free.

That’s been one of the toughest concepts ever for me to wrap my little brain around.  Jesus paid the debt not just for the people of His time, but for the people of All time.

He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds, we are healed. Isaiah 53:5

There are times when my guilt tries to resurface.  Something reminds me of my ugliness and mocks me with it.  Satan asks me how I can be so bold as to think I can be forgiven with this list of sins to my credit.  He asks me what makes me think that God has a place for someone as vile as me.

When this happens, I know I need to spend time in the Word.  I need to be reminded that God is greater than my doubt.  I need to remind myself that I’ve been stripped of my ugliness and clothed in His Grace.

Father, thank You for the grace You give me daily.  Help me reject doubt when it tries to creep into my heart.

Read: 1 Timothy 1:12-17

Jeanne Roberts

“And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:30-32

I grew up in a family of proud grudge-holders.  A favorite line of one of my brothers was “you may be lucky enough for me to forgive you, but you’ll never be lucky enough for me to forget.”

Yeah, we were cool like that.

A couple years ago, I started really thinking about this whole forgiveness thing.  I had just given my life to Christ and was having a hard time justifying holding onto old grudges that I’d carried with me through most of my life.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was the only one being burdened by my grudges.  Some of the people that I had withheld forgiveness from had been dead for years!  If my bitterness wasn’t affecting those who were alive and kicking, it sure wasn’t doing anything to those who had shuffled off this mortal coil!

It took a lot of praying and a lot of reflection, but finally, last year I forgave those I’d held grudges against for so long.  Truly forgave, not “forgive but not forget”, I ‘released’ them.  I thought it was something I was doing for them, but let me tell you, I was freed as well.

I let myself step out from under a dark cloud that wasn’t created by the injustices of my past, or by the actions and inactions of others.  It was my own creation.  I was bound by shackles of my own design, by my choice to be defined by my scars.  All those years, I thought that withholding forgiveness was a symbol of superiority and strength.  It really just made me small and weak.

My relationship with God became so much clearer.  This bitterness I’d harbored for most of my years kept me from really enjoying the forgiveness that I’d been granted.

Day to day, I struggle with forgiveness.  I’m finding it really is an ongoing process.  Lucky for  me, God has this forgiveness thing down, because every day I need Him to forgive me again for stupid things I do, say and think!

Lord, thank You for forgiving me of all my wrongs.  Help me to continue to practice forgiveness every day.  May it be a reflection of Your love for us.

Read: Matthew 18:21-35

Jeanne Roberts

“He restores my soul” Psalm 23:3

Remember, as a kid, barreling down the sidewalk in your roller skates or on your Big Wheel?

The wind in your hair, the unmistakable sound of plastic wheels on concrete?  Then, as in nearly every roller skate / Big Wheel / skateboard memory, there’s the memory of The Crash. The realization that you’re going too fast, or the inevitable stone-in-your-path.

Nothing you can do but brace yourself for seriously skinned knees and hands.

The ground speeds closer, your hands go out, and *boom*, you are done.  You lay there for a second and wait for the stinging to kick in.

What comes next?  You go blasting into your house, wailing “Mommmyyy!”  She goes into action with a box of Band-Aids ( in my day, the Band-Aids were still in that tin with the hinged top… so cool.) and the bottle of stinging-stuff.

To top it off, she plants a kiss on the knee, the palms, the top of your head.

That’s the real medicine there.  I’ve done it with my own girls, when they would come in the house bellowing from a boo-boo.  There’s the “Band Aid Application”, (which really is a medal of honor to show the kids in the neighborhood what a daredevil is in their midst) followed by a kiss and possibly a popsicle, if the injury warrants such treatment.

It’s not the Band Aid, it’s not the sting-y stuff, it’s not even the popsicle that makes it all better.  It’s the comforting, the assurance that it’s going to be okay, it’s the kiss on the scraped knee that’s the real medicine.  That’s the antidote.  That’s what kept us ready and able to go back outside every time.

That’s also God’s antidote for our damaged emotions.  We don’t have to play tough-guy with God.  We can go to Him, wailing at the top of our lungs about our latest crash, sure that this boo-boo is beyond anything He’s ever encountered.  He’s waiting to comfort us, to kiss us on the top of our head and hold us until the crying is over.

Here’s the cool thing: it doesn’t matter how big the crash is, it doesn’t matter how bad it hurts.  When we go to the arms of God, in His comfort our greatest pain can be relieved as if it’s just a boo-boo.

His promise to always be near keeps me going “back outside”.  I’m still going to crash, and I’m still going to have some pain.  When I do, He will comfort me, kiss the top of my head and remind me that I’m going to be okay.

Heavenly Father, thank You for always comforting me when I feel small and helpless.  Thank You for Your Word and Promise, which renews my strength daily.

Read: Isaiah 41:10-14

Jeanne Roberts